AUSTRIA-HUNGARY (Andy Jamieson)
A(Bud) - Vie; A(Tri) s A(Bud) - Vie; A(Ser) s A(Tri); F(Gre) s TURKISH F(Con) - AEG; A(Gal) - Ukr (FAILED)

ENGLAND (Jim O'Neil)
A(Edi) - Yor; F(NTH) s F(Lon) - ENG; F(Nwy) - StP nc (FAILED); F(Lon) - ENG

FRANCE (Paul Lacey)
A(Par) - Pic; A(Spa) - Mar; A(Bur) - Bel (FAILED); F(Bre) - ENG (FAILED); F(Por) - MAO

GERMANY (Greg Jacobson)
F(Den) - Swe; F(Kie) - BAL; A(Ruh) - Kie; A(Mun) - Tyr; A(Hol) - Bel (FAILED)

ITALY (James Douglas)
F(ION) - TYS; A(Tun) - NAf; A(Tyr) - Pie; A(Ven) s A(Tyr) - Pie

RUSSIA (Chris Groenewald)
A(War) - Gal (FAILED); A(Ukr) - Rum (FAILED); F(Arm) - Sev (FAILED); F(GoB) - StP sc (FAILED)

TURKEY (Pablo Echevarria)
A(Rum) - Sev; F(BLA) s A(Rum) - Sev; A(Bul) - Rum (FAILED); F(Con) - AEG; A(Smy) - Con

PRESS

ALB: As I'm getting bored with Mr Anon not giving their name I'm going to see if they can read this:

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Anon: Secret Inquirer, Third Edition

Hearsay Section

Russia is retreating, Turkey is attacking, Austria and Italy will but heads, while the west is up for grabs.

Leisure Section

I here the wine in France is good. Particularly better then Italy's at the moment. However, France has been rather variant when it comes to her prices. What do I mean? Look at these exporting prices:

Russia: 200 a barrel

Germany: 250 a barrel

England: 350 a barrel

Italy : 450 a barrel

Something fishy going on here. I say we get to the bottom of this and take a trip to Paris.

Curious Section

1. An acid can have a negative pH.

2. Nothing changes whether or not God exists.

3. Light is both a wave and a particle.

4. The longest a man has held his breath under water and remained conscious was for over 8 minutes.

5. 2 + 2 = 5 in extreme cases. (2 +2 =3 as well.)

6. " God is dead, and we have killed him "

Stay toned for more great junk in the next edition!

Autumn 1902 deadline: 5pm BST; 2nd June 2006.