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LEMON CICHLID END-GAME STATEMENTS
GM:
Ally Bain [EGS]
Started: 24th March 2003
Finished: 10th November 2003
Result: England, France, Russia & Turkey draw
| Country | Player | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | Result | | Austria | Reilly Steere | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Anarchy | | England | Jon Cothey | 4 | 4 | 4 | 5 | Draw | | France | Gareth McGorman | 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 | Draw | | Germany | Markus Koivisto | 5 | 4 | 2 | 2 | Anarchy | | Italy | Eric Bedum | 4 | 6 | 6 | 5 | Anarchy | | Russia | Rob Cook | 6 | 9 | 13 | 13 | Draw | | Turkey | Marc Banyeres | 5 | 5 | 3 | 3 | Draw |
ENGLAND (Jon Cothey) End of Game Statement for Lemon Cichlid by Sir John Cothey of England
England, brave England, stood alone in the face of three infidel countries. We exhorted Frantz to be friends for the first move and immediately we find a ship in Our English channel. Treachery from day one. We had to backtrack and defend Our beloved London.
The Germs begin attacking Our fleet in the North Sea. This coupled with Frantz attempting to convoy to Wales indeed made life difficult. But with Our rough and tumble tenacity and the willpower that only the English can have, we Bounced the tiny army back to whence it came.
Russia pretends to be Our friend but we saw right through this ploy and abandoned Norway without a shot. The Tsar's day was coming.
Germany drops out. Good riddance.
Frantz, stupidly continues to attack repeatedly whilst the Tsar, with its devilishly red face and bowed horns protruding from pulsating temples rubs its grubby, black-fingernailed hands.
Oh dear, oh dear! The Queen stands alone amongst barbarians and beer-filled carcasses. We shall fight, alone, to the very end! To live, to die, there is no question. Fight! Always and forevermore. Fight! Come on lads! Desperation.
Lo! What see I from far yonder but a mustached angel. He is saying words and I hear them loud and clear. He beckons, coos, sings the song of reconciliation. Frantz says, basically, "shut up, Turk. Can't you see I'm trying to commit suicide by picking a fight with the English?"
Finally, the magic of selfless, disinterested conciliation coming from a well-meaning and altruistic soul from a far off corner of the map takes hold of a one-minded, selfish, heathen amphibian.
Frantz, now France, abandons the suicidal idea of taking Liverpool and sets sail to conquer a bear. Now, with mutual coordination between two neighbours, one with a very unpleasant body odour, and the other tenacious and valiant who will die with the words "God save the Queen" on his lips, set upon an early adolescent bear with the viciousness of two wounded Rottweilers. We bash it down, rip it up, smash it apart. Denmark is returned to its proper owner, you foul-mannered devil!
We're coming to get you! The two fleets leaping up the side from the North Atlantic Ocean and the Norwegian Sear are going to oodle you in your donkey. But the "game" ends. You're lucky you got a draw, mate. You're lucky you got a draw.Return to Top
FRANCE (Gareth McGorman) It has been a frustrating game thanks to anarchies, silence, etc. however the last few seasons, and the formation of the grand alliance was fun. i would like to offer my apologies for my periods of silence, and any other frustration i may have caused, and i would thoroughly enjoy playing diplomacy with any one of you.
*garethReturn to Top
RUSSIA (Rob Cook) Dear all, I agree that we should end this game, and have voted yes to all EGPs involving Russia. Many thanks to you all for the entertainment you provided, especially in the earlier rounds, which were fascinating (of course, I wouldn't see an anti-Russian alliance as entertaining). I think those of us who have survived this haphazard game so far probably deserve the chance to free up their time for a more dedicated commited arena to play in. I can't really see the need for an EG statement given all the NMRs and anarchies - they skewed the game significantly. My only lingering doubt is whether Sultan Banyeres might have proved a trustworthy ally, had I fallen for his early overtures. If only we had really got the juggernaut rolling... Nah. I reckon you were up for eliminating the Bear from the start, Marc. My best wishes to all of you.
Ally, many thanks for your dedicated (and in my view well-judged) GMing. Do you think we were unlucky to have two drop outs in this game? Is that likely to improve significantly for 'regular' player games?
RobertReturn to Top
TURKEY (Marc Banyeres) Thank you to all the players in the game and to the GM without whom we would not have a game.
I talked to everyone before first moves. Austria, played by Reilly of Calgary, Canada, wrote a lot and seemed interested in my idea of an alliance which had us stopping Russia in the south and chopping Italy off with my fleets or Austria's if Italy made a lunge for Turkey. Germany, played by Markus of Finland who commented that we were almost namesakes, wrote that he wanted to work together, but he did not want to talk about specifics. Italy, played by Eric of the Netherlands, and England, played by Jon of England (it was a guess later confirmed by Jon), were flaky to me at the beginning. Jon of England later became a very cool correspondent. France, played by Gareth of Toronto, Canada, was interesting and I saw much potential for a middle game alliance against Italy. But France and Turkey are too far apart to cooperate much early aside from keeping Italy uncertain. Russia, played by Rob of London, England, was a terrific writer and obviously a reader as well. I learn that Germany is probably sharing a lot of information, which is fairly stupid for most Germanies to do with Russia. Rob is the dangerous adversary in my region. Eric, though experienced, was no comparison for me. His intellect was no match for Rob's. Reilly is fun and we call ourselves the opium alliance. It lasts a season, perhaps only in my head.
I change my orders near the deadline in coordination with Austria to position to deny Russia a southern build and hopefully to convince Germany to bounce Russia in Sweden. I break a bounce agreement with Rob in BLA and let him in intentionally. I think many were surprised. I think I assumed that Markus' experience on the site would make him a competent player. Wrong assumption, and the failure to build and the anarchy proved it. Reilly stops writing soon after spring 1901, so I have to try another strategy. I try to make it seem to others that I am still in contact with Austria, but I suspect then am convinced of the NMR. Rob is defensive as Russia, so I decide to go for Greece figuring he will not take a chance at a center of mine or try to divide my forces by bouncing me in Bul. I move to Bul ec figuring that the map is going to need a strong and aggressive Turkey to counter Russia, who I know because of the Austrian NMR, will emerge as a power in 1902. I build accordingly to attack or control Russia while maintaining naval power to hold off Italy. Italy and Russia have both congratulated me on taking Greece before it happens, which means they have some relationship. Germany does not bounce Russia in Sweden (small problem) and Germany stupidly does not order a second build (big problem for Russian containment).
I contact everyone after 1901 and point out that Russia has to be contained and that the only power that can realistically do that is Turkey. Russia will control Austria and the Balkans because of Germany's failure to build and because there are no land powers in position to stop Russia. Russia will control Scandinavia unless France and Germany back off the attack on England. This is one game in which the roundly criticized Bottleneck opening of Turkey would have been the best opening. But who can predict a spring 1902 anarchy before it happens? Turkey is well positioned for an attack on Russia, but I won't do it without some cooperation around the map. There is none despite the fact that my arguments were irrefutable. Another bad assumption of mine (and of economics in many cases I must add for the benefit of my fellow economist Rob) was that people make rational choices. Ouch! France and Germany should have backed off the attack on England to put at least some pressure on northern Russia and Scandinavia, which was Russia's for the taking absent at least a moderately strong England. Germany had to reposition after the disaster of not ordering the second build. Austria was clearly not going to relieve pressure on the German eastern front. Italy should have put itself in better position to at least get some Austrian gains that could be defended.
I withdraw my attack orders, contact Russia, and hope to be a tiny "t" in an Rt alliance. I know that Ser is the key for Russia to show loyalty though even with Ser, Turkey would have been inferior in position and strength to Russia. Still, I would have been able to neutralize later Italian shenanigans and force a draw unless other powers gave up. Germany does give up. What an anarchy! Italy is still too dense to see that it is foolish for any power to continue cooperation with Russia unless it want to be in a begging position for a draw or unless it wants to give up a practically uncontested solo. I give Italy a tactical punch in the face to wake Eric up.
France, England, and even Germany before quitting come around on the need to stop Russia. Markus of Germany apologizes to me then quits. Poor showing my almost namesake. I get to plan the Grand Alliance, which frankly surprises me. I did not expect my plans to be accepted without any objection or revision. The Grand Alliance works well without Italy. Then Italy comes on as well for a season. The Grand Alliance takes a center from Russia and is positioned to take Russia back several centers over three or four seasons in the north and in central Europe. Turkey is dicey but defensible until Italy NMRs. Russia apparently does not know the tactical maneuver that will enable it to take down Turkey. After the Italian NMR, I give it to him. At this point, I might as well just be a teacher and consultant though I am committed to working with remaining players to make sure Russia does not succeed elsewhere. I point out that Jon of England deserves a lot of credit for fighting through a position more difficult than those of the players who went into anarchy. And here we are.
I am writing my endgame statement early not because the game has ended but because the game for some seasons has been a disaster, empty of diplomacy and practically empty of any sense. I do not know how it will end, but I do look back and consider it a somewhat interesting exercise at times yet overall a waste of time. I write this because I take commitments seriously and will complete the responsibilities I accepted when I signed up.
Rob of Russia is a good writer. I make no criticism of him for taking advantage of opportunity. I fully believe he would have wanted a challenge and that he had higher expectations for diplomacy in a game of Diplomacy, an inappropriate title I must say in Lemon Cichlid. Good job on whatever happens and thanks for the correspondence, including that negatively directly at me.
Jon of England has been a consistent writer as well. Though he wrote in grunts at first, I enjoyed all the correspondence and especially thank you for early comments about working together. I got some good laughs out of those.
Gareth is a cool dude. Thanks for the early mails though you may have worked against me at times. Thanks also for committing to the Grand Alliance. It must have been difficult to back off England like that, but I am sure you saw that it was the logical thing to do. I still am not sure if you tried to fool me about your diplomacy experience, but either way, it was fun making plans with you.
Eric of Italy, there is little I can say other than that you have proven me right by a huge margin. I wrote that e-mail about you being a terrible communicator and a relatively weak strategist. Your stubbornness and NMR proved me right. I would advise anyone who reads this never to get into a game with Eric Bedum. Take your name off the waiting list. It is that bad.
To Jon, Gareth, and Rob, I wish you the best of luck in the future, and I wish you much more interesting games. I have enjoyed much of the time I have communicated with you, and I particularly enjoyed one e-mail I sent to you Rob when we still had apparently friendly powers. I liked your remark about humor like mine being well received though exhausting to create. Even so, the frustration of being in such a poor game probably means I will not again play at this site. But perhaps we may see each other in e-mail tournaments of which I have become aware. You are seeing this before publication on the dip2000 site which occurs after the game is finished, so we will have a little more time together. I guess that is if you want. I am in Lemon Cichlid to the end though this endgame statement was written before that end, how long before remains to be seen.
The foregoing was written before the draw proposal passed. I suppose I should add a few comments.
Sorry to Rob, Gareth, and Jon if I allowed my anger at the anarchies and the stupid behavior of some players affect my correspondence with you. You are all interesting people and gave me whatever enjoyment I got out of Lemon Cichlid. I really wish we had been among more dedicated players.
Rob, I am a little surprised you accepted the draw. Thank you for your sportsmanship. You were the best writer in the game.
Jon and Gareth, our Grand Alliance worked though I wish it had been allowed to work on the map. We had it if Eric had not bailed out as he did. Gareth, good play. I hope you have revealed whether or not you were kidding about your Diplomacy experience. I still do not know though I suspect you were telling the truth all along.
Good luck to all.
MarcosReturn to Top
GM (Ally Bain) I've played Diplomacy for 20 years & my attitude to anarchy in '83 is still the same as now, 'why do we have to see up-spoilt kids upsetting the apple-cart?'
To the four of you who did finish playing, it does happen but not too many in regular games so I hope to see you on the boards.
BTW the ending of the game has been added to ALB & GSB on http://mysite.freeserve.com/alb_gsb/normalendings.htm & will also go on the other stats on Dip2000
AllyReturn to Top
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