AUSTRIA-HUNGARY (Pete Smith)
F(ADS) - Apu; F(Tri) - ADS; A(Vie) - Tri; A(Gal) - War; A(Gre) Stands

ENGLAND (Joshua Ellery)
A(Yor) - Lon; F(NTH) s F(HEL) - Den; F(SKA) s F(HEL) - Den; F(HEL) - Den

FRANCE (Herman v der Meulen)
F(Por) - MAO; F(Bre) - ENG; A(Par) - Pic; A(Mar) - Bur; A(Spa) - Gas

GERMANY (Andy Powell)
A(Bel) s A(Hol); A(Hol) s F(Kie); A(Pru) s AUSTRIAN A(Gal) - War; A(Ber) - Mun; F(Kie) s F(Den) - BAL; F(Den) - BAL

ITALY (Brian Wansleeben - NMR!)
A(Ven) Stands ; A(Tyr) Stands ; F(Tun) Stands ; F(ION) Stands

RUSSIA (Mikey Lamont)
A(StP) - Mos (FAILED); A(Ukr) - Gal; A(War) s A(Ukr) - Gal (DISLODGED TO Lvn); F(Swe) - Den (FAILED)

TURKEY (Ian Pringle)
A(Bul) - Rum; F(BLA) s A(Bul) - Rum; A(Con) - Bul; A(Ank) - Arm; A(Sev) - Mos (FAILED)

PRESS

ALB - Rom Gov't: If you don't submit orders for A03, your country will be in anarchy.

Vie Gov't: Field Marshal Count Von Haehtrarp was sat in the corner of his office one again. Outside the snow fell, and it was very cold. Bugger this for a game of soldiers he thought. He opened the SPIN to the holiday pages, and started to read.

" Humm!, that looks nice" he said after studying the page on Lazaretto, "no world leader has anything there, so I think I will go for a weeks rest, and not be bothered with mails from the 5 world leaders".

His aid-de-campe coughed "Sire, there are 6 leaders in Europe"

"Nope" snapped Von Haehtrarp, "5, since last year, 9th Dec to be precise, which was the last time El Deuce spoke to me. I think that maybe he is a prisoner of the tsar, and the tsar is now telling the Italian forces what to do, or failing that, The Holy Cross Christmas present worked".

He called for his cook, "Cook, I will be away from Sunday 8th Jan till early Monday 16th, stop the milk please." He clicked his fingers at the aid-de-camp, "you had better cancel the SPIN paper as well, as I will not be reading anything until my return., no, forget that, just keep the page 3 bits for me, thanks".

Anon: From the headlines of the infamous world news leader, we bring you the Seasonal Press International Newspaper (“SPIN”). With a readership of a staggering 6 individuals, SPIN is your source for happenings, happenstance, sheer idle gossip, and unfounded conjecture. Whether it happened or not, you’ll find probing investigative reporting interesting and plausible.

Headline: "English Fleets Running on Empty" -- The recent world-wide fuel shortage has affected all nations differently. The Sultan has issued national proclamations that all skewered meats shall be grilled over candlelight, while the French have opted to develop methods to operate their various mechanical devices on wine and other spirits. The English appear to be the only nation who has not scaled back their gasoline consumption and instead have opted to search for existing fuel depots to quench their thirst. Rear Admiral John Haddock explains that the entire English fleet is running on fumes and "... may be forced to dock in German occupied Denmark until new fuel sources can be found." When told that Denmark is one of two major German ports known to store a vast quantity of the German war machine's available fuel reserves, Admiral Haddock hastily replied that it was a "... fascinating coincidence."

Headline: "NAfTA: Open Markets Ensure French War Success" -- The world watched history in the making this week as the French government signed the groundbreaking "North African Trade Agreement," or NAfTA, into law. "This treaty allows for duty free trading between the French and North African people. Our Commerce Department has already ramped up production of exports and we very much look forward to reaping the rewards of free trade with our southern neighbor," says French Foreign Minister, Jacques le Imbecile. When asked how cheap toasters and rubber chickens, the two largest North African exports, would aid the French war effort, Monsieur Imbecile exclaimed, "What?! Toasters and gag gifts? Wait! I haven't dotted my "i's!" That's not my signature! Contract void! Contract void!" Since no translators were present to pass along his legal interpretations to the North African delegation, one has to wonder if the North Africans understood Monsieur Imbecile's message. SPIN has learned that the French will soon invoke international law to try and wiggle out of the botched contract. The North African people, with no discernible legal or justice department in its government, has made it clear they intend to respond to France's insult, and have already made plans to reinstitute their strategic long range chamber pot hurling defense system, aptly named "Jar Wars."

Headline: "Diplomatic Back Channels Receive Static" -- Using sophisticated mathematical models and all their fingers and toes, the European Division of Urban Management and Bureaucracy, or "DUMB", has documented and counted the number of letters flowing in and out of the various European nations. SPIN has learned that the total volume and quality of diplomatic correspondence has weakened considerably. Numerous theories have been put forth to explain the recent downfall of correspondence. The Sultan claims he is not to blame and that his dispatches are sent post haste to his trusty riders for delivery. After explaining to him that his horses cannot possibly swim across the Black Sea to the mainland, The Sultan exclaimed, "Gufaw! Next you will tell me that the world is round and that we are all held to it by an unseen cosmic force." The French government has cited a lack of quality tin cans and string as the culprit to the recent shortage of communication. "We used to have a beautiful line of communication with the Russians. Lately, just when we begin to come to an agreement on how to best divide the spoils of our impending Germany conquest, our lines get cut." The Kaiser radically denies that the recent spike in scissors imports to Germany has any correlation to the French communication difficulties. Whatever the real reason behind the communications blackout, some leaders grow increasingly tired of the lack of communication with their neighbors. As the Austrian delegate puts it, "How can I lie to anyone if no one is talking to each other?"

Classified Section:

Wanted: People of Rumania seek stable government. Applicants are encouraged to submit a detailed resume with a history of your previous successful conquerings. Please attach an outline of your proposed economic revitalization plan, copies of all enforceable laws, and a recent photo. Corrupt politicians welcome but petty warlords and despots need not apply. Rumania is an equal opportunity employer.

For Sale: Immense Bronze Statue of "Verkhovna Rada: Savior of Sevastopol" Statue in decent shape but was accidentally decapitated during recent induction ceremony welcoming new occupants to the region. Statue and head can be sold separately or as a complete set. Please direct all inquiries to the Turkish Department of the Interior, Section on Preservation of Foreign Cultures.

Autumn 1903 deadline: 5pm GMT, 30th January 2006.