AUSTRIA-HUNGARY (Rod Werner)
A(Bud) - Ser; A(Vie) - Gal (FAILED); F(Tri) - Alb

ENGLAND (Paul Preston)
F(Edi) - NWG; F(Lon) - NTH; A(Lpl) - Yor

FRANCE (Christian Thomsen)
F(Bre) - MAO; A(Mar) - Bur; A(Par) - Pic

GERMANY (David Jolly)
F(Kie) - Den; A(Mun) - Tyr (FAILED); A(Ber) - Kie

ITALY (Alec Sharman)
A(Ven) - Tyr (FAILED); A(Rom) - Apu; F(Nap) - ION

RUSSIA (Steve Dean)
A(War) - Gal (FAILED); A(Mos) - Ukr; F(Sev) - BLA; F(StP) sc - GoB

TURKEY (Anthony Ling)
A(Con) - Bul; A(Smy) - Ank; F(Ank) - Con

PRESS

Andy-All:
Please do NOT forget to include RETREATS and BUILDS in next season's (A01) orders!

Anonymous-All:
Seems like germans deserve to die in every game!

Lon-All:
Sir Wordsworth is a man of his word, and he wishes peace for all across the map. To that purpose, he and his staff are devoted to the liberation of countries hostile to the crown. Those who lie, cheat, and steal cannot be allowed to wander aimlessly (or aimfully for that matter) through Europe. The people of all countries must be liberated from such scoundrels, for it is not the people who should be damned but rather the leaders who would speak evil of Britain.

Lon Gov't-All:
Thank you Russia for the wonderful Stolichnaya vodka. Praise Tsar Steve Dean for establishing such fine distribution networks.

Lon Gov't-All:
Should there be any confusion, let it be known that this declaration is available in French and that the publishing of said declaration in English is not meant in any way to imply the superiority of said language.

Let World Chancellor Andy Scott note officially, and let it to the world be declared that in this season, the spring of 1901 in The Damned, the English Channel was formally renamed The French-English Pond of Peace. This Pond of Peace shall be dedicated to those from around the world who would like to swim and enjoy serenity. It is hoped that The Pond of Peace will inspire others around the world to declare an immediate cessation of hostilities and a rapid cession of extant powers to the joint French-English governing body. May all the citizens of the world the healthy waters of The Pond of Peace enjoy.

A sonnet by Chuck Dickens was commissioned for this occasion:

The Pond of Peace

Let us not to the marriage England France
Permit paranoia. Peace is not peace
Which cowers under cowards' bark and lance
Or succumbs whilst scoundrels spread their disease.

O no! It is the branch of olive tree
That bends in hurricane yet never breaks
But bounces back to station proud and free
A reminder of silent strength it makes.

Peace be not Fortune's fool, no golden coin
Shall ill influence, no power have say.
Peace alters not when darkness fiend enjoin,
Rather forges through fear, night falls to day.

Peace, Pond of Peace is declared in this way.
Praise France! Praise England! Between them it lay.

Despite Dicken's penchant for alternative endings, none was composed in this case. Wink, wink President Poltroon. Oh, it was tempting.

An entry by any country into the Pond of Peace means all-out and immediate war. Termination will be made with extreme prejudice.

The architect, yes architect Archduke Rod, of the French-English Pond of Peace, Neville Chamberlain has been sent to Austria as a gesture of peace. Archduke Rod is quite the gentle fellow who "knows a lot of stuff." Nevertheless, it is hoped that violent thugs in Austria will teach Mr. Chamberlain a lesson for having persuaded England to accept "French" into the new title for the English Channel. Still, the Pond of Peace shall be respected by the crown.

Lon-All:
Finally, a representative of the Oxford English Dictionary editorial staff has commented on the names and attitudes of various leaders. First, insert an "o" into the last name of President Francois Poltron and you have a word meaning "coward." The French President has been forthright and admitted that "poltron" also means "coward" in French. What can that indicate? Second, the Italian leader has a last name which rhymes with Charmin, a brand of toilet paper. Will the Italian fleets hold up in water? Hmmm. Or is it "Charming Sharman" or "Shaman Sharman?" It has been reported that King Alec has clouded other leaders' minds with his tricks and vision. Kill them with kindness, eh, King Alec? Or with wizardry? Third, well it is hard be angry with a leader bearing the last name Jolly, though we do wonder whether his mirth is alcohol induced. Fourth, Rod. Spare the Rod, spoil the child. Oxford types do wonder if Archduke Rod can take a punch and whether or not he is a bleeder. Come on, somebody hit him or cut him so that the world can find out. That being said, we do like his writing style though his insult to Martin Amis has been noted. Then the criticism was withdraw. Try the Luzhin defense, dear Rod. Fifth, what a name: Steve Dean. Cannot argue with that. Plus, we all enjoy Stolichnaya vodka. It would certainly be unwise for us to imperil our supply by offending the Tsar. Sixth, Anthony Ling of Turkey. That sounds odd. Perhaps we should truncate "Anthony" and just refer to him as "Ant." Or "antling?" Got a ring to it. Why should he get to choose Tony? Ant, what do we do with ants? Damn things ruined my last picnic in the woods. Seventh, well "Wordsworth" turns quite easily into "Swordworth." And "Sir Wordsworth" can be rearranged into "I. R. Swordsworth." Hmmm. We like that, but are left wondering, "Who will feel that sword?" Should it be France that feels the lance? Damn poltroon of a leader. Or shall the British leader fall as Cato?

Lon-All:
"London calling at the top of the dial. After all this, won't you give me a smile?"

Par-All:
President Francois Poltrons diary: "Today I have signed peace-agreements with all ze minor nations of Europe. Everybody is our friend. I zink zey are very happy to have such a great nation as my France as their personal friends. I could see small tears of joy in zeir eyes. France is a peacefull nation. A nation people come to when zings get to hot handle. I have signed legislation today, which makes sure that no soldier in France are allowed to bear weapons, instead zey have all got new running-shoes. Now they will flee... ahem I mean go to Spain and Portugal to liberate this primitive nations. Zey are so unfortunate, zey only speak a bad version of french. We will unite them with France."

Par-Russian Propagandaminister Goebbelstov:
"We have heard the talk of a juggernaut, I now hope you all can see that is just lies. We have nothing to do with the Sultan. We are in fact at war against his tyranny."

Anonymous-All:
"Danish Pastry rules, even french is okay. Strudels sucks."

Rome-All:
Have a nice game everyone.

Anonymous-Dark Lord:
This zone of death has within it several evil folk who are linked by another game. We must watch for this and expect treachery.

I say now believe nothing, watch your backs and when you smell fear use the blade to good effect, three slashes are better than two.

Andy-All:
WOW! For a first turn this is an astounding amount of quality press, Thank you :-) Those of you that didn't send any in had better get your thinking caps on as I think you may find yourselves at a disadvantage in this game otherwise?

AUTUMN 1901 DEADLINE: 09:00 GMT, Tuesday 7th October, 2003.